Essay A,B,C,D

Essay A

Strength

1) Answered prompt right
2) Descriptive and detailed
3) Voice is unique
4) Made a good comparison (if the power was put to a good use and bad use)
5) Makes claims that can be argued
6) Flow is good

Weakness

1) Lack of structure: the content feels like it's everywhere
2) Need more specific examples
3) Mechanics

Endnote:

Dear Student,

I really enjoyed your interesting essay. Your essay was full of imaginative topics and I felt as though I got to know you better. I felt like your specific examples brought such life to your essay. Your voice was very unique. I also enjoyed the part where you explored good and bad sides to your power. This definitely enriches the story. Having said that, I would like to emphasize that you could start organizing your structure better. Perhaps group some arguments in one paragraph and the other in another. I would also avoid colloquial language and try to look out for mechanics such as spelling and grammar errors. Overall, I am impressed and I am looking forward to see more of your work in the future.

Best,

Your teacher.



Essay B

Strength

1) The structure is solid. There are intro, body and conclusion
2) There is a specific example to back up the claim
3) The voice of the writer is present

Weakness

1) Did not answer the prompt
2) Lack of thesis
4) Mechanics


Endnote:

Dear Student,

Although your essay did not exactly answer the prompt I have given you, I believe that you had some positive aspects to your essay that I'd like to address first. First of all, you have identified in your essay that what you lack now is not power but money. Then you go onto address that your solution to this problem is to have the power to create an interesting business that will help you. I thought this was a very interesting approach as this is a different kind of power that is solely based on reality. Secondly, your structure is solid. You have introduction, body and conclusion. You've included good examples and your voice stands out. Having said that, I would like to let you know that the prompt needs to be re-answered as the prompt was to answer what sort of ability you would like to have. Perhaps you can think about what power do I want to have aside from money? I believe this would open you up to many possibilities. Also, I would watch out for grammar errors and spelling mistakes. If you have any questions, I am available during my office hours.

Best,

Your teacher.


Essay C

Strength

1) There were many interesting details
2) Allowed personal connection by sharing personal preference
3) Argued for the other side very well


Weakness

1) Did not fully answered the prompt
2) Thesis is not clear
3) Lack of structure: how is this essay organized?
4) Mechanics


Endnote:

Dear Student,

Your writing includes some interesting examples and probes what TV and movies can do to our lives. You also make a good concluding point that people should not take TV seriously. There are many interesting things you can work with in your writing, however, I believe you need a clearer thesis and organized structure in order to utilize this. I also would focus on relating my thesis to all my examples. For example, you enjoying romantic comedies was a good personal reference but how did it influence you as a person? There are some mechanical errors that I would work on. If you'd like to discuss it, please stop by my office hours or you can also visit writing center on campus. Overall, great work. I'd like to see this further developed.

Best,

Your teacher.



Essay D

Strength

1) Answered prompt well
2) Has a clear thesis
3) Balanced argument
4) Good examples

Weakness

1) Needs a more focused structure
2) Instead of generalization, use specific examples. Like what sorts of movies that produce violence?
3) Mechanics


 Endnote:

Dear Student,

Here, in this essay you explore some interesting aspects of TV and people's lives. I liked your examples of cigarette companies and movies and violence. I would focus on developing thesis to be more specific since you are bringing up great examples to show the negative aspects of TV. Your essay organization is good but I would develop them more to expand your ideas. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact me or stop by my office hours and we can discuss your essay in depth. I am looking forward to read more of your work.


Best,

Your teacher.