Homelessness Essay Feedback

Strength

1) Great information and details
2) Conclusion paragraph offers suggestions which gives a nice wrap-up feeling at the end
3) The introduction paragraph is relatively focused on the issue
4) Different factors that contribute to this problem are nicely laid out throuhout the essay

Weakness

1) It is not answering the prompt
2) The thesis can be tightened
3) The organization needs to be focused
4) Be more argumentative


Strategy: With this student, I would work on coming up with a strong argument for it. First of all, I would try to get the student to brainstorm what are some of the main causes of homelessness in United States based on his/her research. After we come up with a clear thesis, I would then go into little details such as organization issues and topic sentences.



Endnote:

I like how you went into depth about the factors that contribute to America's homelessness. I think it's interesting that you mentioned mentally ill people taking over the streets as homeless. I remember an article written on this about how this began during Reagan years. This could be an exciting research topic to see how many homeless people are mentally ill and if they had history of institutionalization. My question for you is, what do you think is the main reason for homelessness in America? I think that should be our main focus to tackle together first. Looking forward to your second draft!